Surprises

Today has been a day of surprises, and I don't like surprises. Of course it usually could be okay if they are good surprises, I can get over it quickly (my wife might not think so.) Today things didn't go as planned. One thing about aspies is that we like things to go as we saw them in our head, or at least I do. Today, as I am about getting ready to go home, my wife tells me that our basement flooded. I get an image of water flooding up through the drain, and having to do some major repairs. That wasn't the problem though. My brother had stayed at our house a few months back, and left most of his stuff here. We weren't using that extra room, and he doesn't have anywhere to put it right now. He had left a small fridge behind, that had been basically cleaned out, but when my wife moved the fridge, some kind of liquid came spilling out the bottom and soaked the carpet in that spare bedroom.

My wife had grown quite tired of all of the stuff in the basement, and it seems this is the last straw, so she loads everything up in the van, and throws the fridge out on the lawn. I get home at about 6:30, and I am given the ultimatum to get rid of the stuff in the van, or it is going to the dump in the morning. I was shocked. I thought I was helping my brother by just holding his stuff in a room that we didn't even use. My carpet was soaked and mildewing.

My mother had indicated that she could take this stuff off of my hands, so I called her up, and find that she is having a shower for my sister's brother-in-law's finance, which won't be over until 9pm. Ok, well, I have an Elder's quorum meeting that will last until 9pm, so I'll deal with this all later.

When I come home a little after nine, I call my mother up again, and try to explain what has happened, and she tells me I am going to have to help her find a place to store this stuff, because she isn't ready for it. I had thought she had plenty of space.

Well, that is about enough for me, so I start yelling and flailing around about the position that I'm in now, that I have to take this stuff to my parents house with no notice, and why didn't my wife call me sooner to tell me about the catastrophe. She tells me the phone was dead, and that I should have taken that stuff out months ago. I can never win an argument with my wife.

She actually handled it all pretty well. I remember when we were first married, and if I got excited at all, she started crying because she thought I was yelling at her. I tried to calm down a bit, give her a hug and tried to put a positive spin on it in my head, but she kept saying defensive things until I left to go visit my parents, which I of course have to respond to.

My family was pleasant, and I did have one good surprise, there were brownies. My mom and sisters were all there, and they helped unload the van, which generally helped improve my mood about things. Along with the brownies and cookies.

When I get home, I find that also during the day my wife has taken out the garbage and mowed the lawn for me, which are also surprises that I find hard to accept. But I am trying to figure out how to deal with things a bit better, and realize that my discomfort is all in my head. I thank my wonderful wife for trying to take care of things around the house, and she seems to handle things all pretty well with my aspergers, now that she knows about it.

Dreams of Defeating the Empire

What do dreams mean? I had an interesting dream last night, that might make a cool movie or video game.

I had just joined the rebellion against the empire, and I was given leadership responsibilities right away. The reason that I was so important was that I was a Porter. Not very many people can be Porters. It is something in the very make up of DNA that determines if you can use the ancient portal system.

I had Fred to help out on this first reconnaissance mission, and he had a lot of experience in the rebellion, and always had good advice as to what our next move should be. He was an older gentleman, but still seemed fairly spry.

The rebellion had heard of other supporters in another region of the system, and so we made our way to my "Home Base." I had played around in the old bunker when I was younger, and I had always been told to stay out of the stone cube in the center. I had thought that I couldn't get inside anyway, because of the force fields covering the openings. But a few weeks ago I had found that my genetic code would open those fields, and activate the transporter.

We were near the edge of the desert, and there were large black rocks protruding from the fine sand. The stairs were invisible until we were right in front of them, but I knew exactly where they were. We walked down the stairs into the dimly lit room. Technology was all around the edges, but no one knew how to operate most of it. In the center was a stone cube, with holes on three sides. I could stand up inside of it, by stooping just a little, so it was almost a room inside.

Fred came up beside me, and I checked my pocket. I still had the stone. I moved to the fourth wall of the cube, the one without a hole, and placed my hand on the circular pattern on it. The room begain to spin momentarily, and we were in a different cube. This one was in the middle of a forest. We got out and looked around.

Everything seemed peaceful, so it seemed the empire hadn't discovered this transporter yet, but we proceeded cautiously anyway. When we moved past a particular bush, a woman jumped out from behind it with a gun in hand.

"What makes the sky blue?" she asked.

"The tears of the innocent." was Fred's reply.

She lowered her weapon and said, "You must be the ones I've been waiting for. You're late."

I turned around and got a better look at her. She was a short and slightly plump woman with red hair and a fairly jolly expression. "I'm not late, you must have just showed up early." I told her.

I got back into the cube and touched the square pattern on the wall, and suddenly we were in a confined space in an alley. We jumped out and headed into the street. There were people everywhere, and somewhere there was another contact. I noticed a woman head into the alleyway that we had come out of, and when I could see straight in, I could tell that she was gone, and had used the transporter. If I could find where she went, maybe she would join the rebellion.

We didn't seem to be having any luck finding another contact, and Fred suggested we return another time.

We all got back into the transporter, and thinking of going home, I touched the triangular pattern that was on the wall. In an instant we were back under the desert.

We heard something outside, which wasn't good, because not much lived out here. Fred and Jessie went out the back way, and I headed up the front stairs. What greeted me was a horrible sight. A whole regimen of the empire's men with guns stood around the opening. I recognized the one that seemed to be in charge as a Porter, the one that was helping the empire to move around.

"We finally found you. I was hoping that you would join us without too much trouble. However a little bit of trouble might be fun, eh?" He threw something at me that caused an explosion, and I went tumbling down the stairs.

Luckily, I didn't seem to be hurt. I didn't have much time, I needed to jump into the transporter before they came down after me. I hoped that Fred and Jessie hadn't been caught. If they hadn't been seen, the empire would probably try to follow me, and I could try to find them again later. I jumped into the small cube and touched the wall, thinking to return to the jungle, which had plenty of cover to hide in.

After the flash of light, what met my eyes was an endless desert surrounding me. This was right in the middle of the desert, not at the edge where I had been, and I could see nothing for miles around but sand.

This can't be right, I'm not supposed to be here. I reached for my pocket, and found my stone missing. Fear gripped me. My DNA may be able to activate the transporters, but without the stone, I would not be able to control where it sent me. I could be sent to a non-functional transporter, or right into the center of an empire base.

I had no choice, I may be hundreds of miles from any civilization or water, so I had to use the transporter again. I slowly placed my hand on the engraving of a flower on the wall, and waited as the light flashed for a moment.

All around me I heard shouting, and the firing of shots, I ducked and tried to look around. This transporter had its force shields up, but that wasn't stopping the empire troops from firing at me, and trying to find a weakness where they could get the shots through. I couldn't stay here, so again I touched the wall, this time on a group of squiggly lines.

After the jump I found myself facing a wall with four squares, with concentric circles around where the squares met. One of the squares seemed to be set back from the others, crumbling from abuse.

Laser blasts shot past my head, and I realized that I was in another camp of the empire, but this transporter didn't seem to have any force shields left. I put my hand on the wall, but nothing happened!

The squares need to be realigned, so I pulled on the square that had been pushed back, so that it was flush with the others, with laser fire all around me. I pressed my hand and was engulfed in a blinding light.

When I could see again, I found myself inside of the cube at the front of the university. A woman was lying on the floor of the cube. "What are you doing here?" she asked indignantly.

Not really listening to her, I said to myself, "I'm back at the university."

"Are you a student too?" She asked.

"I was, but I've graduated now." I said as I hopped out of the stone cube.

She followed me, and I noticed that it was the woman from the city who has used the transporter. "I could use some help." I said.

"Are you loyal to the school?" she asked.

I replied, "Forever and to the last man."

"Come with me." she said.


And that is where the dream ended, with the alarm going off. Does this dream mean anything? Should I do something with this story? Should I just forget it? I took a class on dreams in college, so maybe I'll try to make sense of this in another post.

Best. Anniversary. Ever.

Nothing is perfect, but my anniversary this week came about as close as you get in this life.  Sure there were some tense moments... how to give her the new ring?  Would she be able to eat any of the food at the fancy restaurants?  Would I be able to stand taking all the pictures!?

To make things a bit easier, we split up the time, she would take the morning/early afternoon, and I would plan the evenings.  Ok, so I didn't really plan much myself, because she can't eat certain things and had to approve the menu and hotel room choice, but at least I made the reservations, and came up with the options.

She was really surprised to get the ring, there were tears in her eyes at the restaurant.  I had been told the ring wouldn't come for another month, but a small miracle occurred, and with a little prodding they got me the ring early!  This was a surprise even I had trouble messing up, since she knew I am not good at lying, and wouldn't make up a story just to surprise her.  When she saw the box she thought that maybe I had given her some chocolate or earrings.  When she opened the box she asked, "Is this a fake ring?"  No, it is the real thing.

I suppose one piece of advise for making a nice trip away with your wife is simple:  Have a good attitude.  I usually tend to complain while taking a lot of pictures, but this time I thought to myself that if I stay happy while she takes pictures, she will be happy too.  And if she is happy, then after the pictures are over, we will have a more enjoyable time together.  It's like a positive feedback loop.  We both tried to take into account the others feelings, neither of us were trying to be selfish, and we both had a great time, without arguments or lots of apologies over hurt feelings.

I have Aspergers (probably)

I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor officially, but my wife told a doctor about how I act, and he said he thought that I have it. Also I took an online test, and since it is on the internet, it must be true (sarcasm).  The facts do seem to fit me, so I admit that I probably have it.

At first I was afraid of the diagnosis.  Probably mostly because I don't like change.  I had never thought that I would have something like aspergers.  The words seemed like a disability to me.  I didn't feel like I had any problems learning anything.  But I really do, and aspergers has it benefits too.   I also realize that it helps me to feel better about my being a social outcast all through life. There is a reason I could never talk to anyone properly.  

When I was younger, I almost always answered "I don't know" to any question, because I could never spit out the answer fast enough for people.  It takes time to sort through things, and sometimes, if I felt it was important, I would answer the question later.  I think it was just a 

coping mechanism.  I knew the answer to most questions, but I just couldn't get people the answer so that I was satisfied, and it was in time.  I have learned to give answers more quickly, even though I end up changing them 10 seconds later as more information comes to mind.  Usually I can get the right answer the first time, so it usually works out all right.

Many asperger traits seem to fit me, although some of my traits are different from many others, at least that is what it seems from reading other blogs. Most aspies tend not to look people in the eyes, although I don't think that I have a problem with that. I don't really care to look at people or not, but I heard that you should mostly look at people but not stare, so I try to look people in the eye, but also look around some as well.  Also, I don't really care much for small talk, which is normal for aspies, but I don't feel horrified by the "how are you" question, like others seem to be. I usually just say fine, or try to quickly come up with an interesting event while I ask how their day is.  Many times they really don't care to hear that much about you anyway, and 

are content to talk about their own day, or say fine and go about their business as well.

I don't seem to notice all the things around people and remember them as well as it seems that other aspies do, at least from reading other blogs, so my memory may not be quite as good as other aspies, but I don't seem to have quite as many seemingly negative experiences either.  Most people don't think that I am that strange... they don't think I'm totally normal, but then I don't know if anyone really is.  Of course I am strange enough that I usually didn't have many friends.

Most people have probably seen Jerry on boston legal (if you haven't seen that show, then you should try it) but something is maybe a bit over the top about it. He doesn't really have Aspergers, but he does a good job. Though, Comparing him to Dustin Hoffman as rain man, it is missing something to make him totally believable, or maybe he adds too much.  He did recieve an Emmy for his performance, so normal people seem to think that he did a good job of portraying an aspie...

All in all, I don't think that it should change much with my interaction with others, but with my family it is making a difference.  Becca now understands why I am so stubborn, why I hate surprises, why I get sidetracked so easily, and it isn't because I am don't love her.  I still believe I can overcome these things eventually, and knowing why I do those things will help me to overcome them, but it takes time for me to find ways around how my brain is wired, and she has been very supportive.